- Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio
- Date: Mar 2009
From the book
Family Camping Trip #2
Why???? we all asked when my father broke the news. A family disappearance/corporate retreat/camping trip all rolled up into one. Surely it was a bad idea, I suggested. The sentiment was reaffirmed by Rae with her constant references to the Donner Party and repeated inquiries as to which one of the Spellmans plus guest would most likely be consumed first (should it come to that). The third time this particular line of inquiry rolled around, my mother sent Rae to her room.
If all of this is confusing you, perhaps I should give you a quick refresher course on the Spellmans. Although I highly recommend reading the first three documents if you want a true understanding of what is really going on here.
My father is Albert Spellman, a onetime cop turned private investigator who really likes lunch. He is happily married to Olivia Spellman, my mother and co-owner of Spellman Investigations. Mom is an extremely attractive woman--although lately people have been adding the disclaimer "for her age," which has started to get under her skin. Other than my mom's mild vanity, her most obscene characteristic is that she seems to think meddling in her children's lives is an Olympic event. Her training regimen is positively brutal.
Albert and Olivia have three children. The oldest, my brother David, 34: Formerly a poster-boy for the all-American corporate male, currently an out-of-work human being. I'm the middle child. Isabel, 32, if you didn't catch it already. My M.O. from fifth grade until my mid-twenties was that of the problem child. The "student" who the principal knew by name, the neighbors feared and the pot dealers counted on to stay afloat. Also, in the interest of honesty, there were a few arrests thrown into the mix--two (or four depending on how you're counting) as recently as two years ago, which I guess means that I can't argue that my problem years were confined to my youth or even my twenties. But it's important to note that I've come a long way. Therapy helped, and I'm big enough to admit it was court-ordered.
About six months ago, after years of doubt about my future with Spellman Investigations, I committed to the job completely and agreed to slowly begin taking over the business from my parents so they can retire and learn to macram -  or something. My father likes to say the seeds of adulthood have been planted. He's just waiting for them to take.
There's only one other Spellman to speak of--Rae--and I'll mostly let her speak for herself because you might not believe me otherwise.
I suppose the most defining characteristic of my family is that we take our work home with us. If your job is investigating other people, you inevitably investigate each other. This single trait has been our primary point of conflict for most of my life.
Finally, to round out the players on this unfortunate camping trip, I should mention Maggie. Maggie Mason, girlfriend to brother David. Maggie is a defense attorney who used to date Henry Stone (that's a whole other story I don't really want to get into right now, okay?) who happens to be the "best friend" of my now seventeen-year-old sister, the briefly aforementioned Rae. Henry is a forty-five-year-old police inspector and Rae is a senior in high school. They're an unlikely duo. Rae met Henry when she was fourteen and I guess she decided that they were kindred spirits. However, on the surface (and beneath the surface) they have nothing in common. At the start, Henry endured Rae. Then he got used to her. Then, when Henry was dating Maggie and Rae went to supernatural lengths to sabotage their relationship, Henry cut Rae off completely. Now they have...