{ "item_title" : "The Man I Want To Be", "item_author" : [" Puneet Kumar Dhiman "], "item_description" : "Men demand; women adjust. Boys have freedom; girls have responsibilities. Boys go on adventures; girls stay at home. These are my earliest memories as a boy growing up in India. And the lessons I was taught at home, in school, by parents, friends, and family were relentless:Boys don't cry. Boys feign. Boys perform. Boys win. The Man I Want to Be begins in that world.In Part One: The Man I Was Raised to Be, I talk about my foundational lessons.At home, men were always in the drawing room, and women were always in the kitchen. Men discussed things that seemed important; women served and never interrupted men or participated in their conversations.At school, teachers let me be messy, aimless, irresponsible - just not emotional. I was taught early the lifelong lesson that Boys Don't Cry.In boys' social circles, I learned that to belong, one had to be fluent in the language of boys. It was almost a rite of passage to objectify women. Questions, doubt, and curiosity didn't matter; getting inducted into The Boys' Club did.By the time I turned eighteen, the shape of the man I was becoming was already clear.In Part Two: The Man I Was Expected to Be, I talk about how the inherited script of manhood turned into a performance across college, friendships, dating, marriage, and divorce.Performance of manhood started as soon as I entered college, where I realised how unprepared I was to live on my own. I didn't know how to cook, clean, do laundry, etc.; my mom had always done these things for me.In male friendships, everything was open for discussion - except equality and questioning the ideals of manhood. Questioning them would immediately be met with laughter, mockery, and a strong reminder that: This is just how things work.Dating was Bollywood-perfect, but once our relationship faced marriage's rigid system of expectations and family responsibilities, we were judged for not conforming to tradition. And again, I found myself unprepared and without the tools to navigate any of it.After the divorce, I wanted to reflect on what I did wrong, but the efficient patriarchal system didn't require me to reflect; it expected me to just move on. I saw how easily a man can be absolved of any blame, because the system is deliberately designed to benefit him.It was through therapy that I finally understood I wanted to reconstruct myself, so I got to work.Part Three: The Man I Want to Be is not a victory lap. It does not offer a new identity as much as it questions the need for one. It is not a rebrand, and it is not a how-to user manual. It is a recorded account of what I am practising, as I am a work in progress.The Man I Want to Be follows the story of one man, raised in one culture, shaped by one set of lessons, but the questions it raises belong to all of us. It is not about just examining how we were raised to be men, but more importantly, questioning our conditioning, and then daring to explore whether we are willing to become someone more aware, more honest, and more human than we were taught to be.", "item_img_path" : "https://covers2.booksamillion.com/covers/bam/9/35/933/162/9359331627_b.jpg", "price_data" : { "retail_price" : "14.99", "online_price" : "14.99", "our_price" : "14.99", "club_price" : "14.99", "savings_pct" : "0", "savings_amt" : "0.00", "club_savings_pct" : "0", "club_savings_amt" : "0.00", "discount_pct" : "10", "store_price" : "" } }

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